Breaking the chain

Losing sight of me

I HAVE a busy life - running around for other people, at home and work.
At home, I get sad now and again and have a whinge about 'being taken for granted.' My partner who really does do far more than could be expected, cuddles me and tells me how much he loves me, my children do the same.
But there's no such comfort from the outside world. Here, I am someone's partner or mum, or just another scruffy overweight lady in crocs, standing at the school gates or scowling in the supermarket. Here, I've gone from being called 'love' (which I really don't mind) to 'madam' which I hate. And worse, to doctors' receptionists, schoolteachers and even cold bloody callers, I'm Mrs Aitchison - that's Emily and Melissa's mum or Neil's wife. We're not even married. "My name is Jones," I tell them politely and firmly or "No, there's no Mrs Aitchison here."

The elephant in the room

I STARTED today in tears. Before I'd even got up, I was weeping and wailing about what a 'failure' I am because my size 18 trousers are so bloody tight. Not that I wear them in bed of course.
Neil said all the right things, bless him. First he assured me that he loved me, that the kids loved me and that I was still me and I shouldn't get so upset.
Then as I continued to snivel, he told me to relax and calm down. Which was fair enough. So I got up and cooked some bacon. In fact I also cooked some Sainsbury's Taste the Difference sausages - and bloody lovely they were too.

Things I learned at my nutritionist's appointment

* FOOD is not 'good' or 'bad'.
* I am not 'bad' for getting fat. The way I eat is not 'disgusting'.
* I am not a failure for putting on weight after leaving a slimming club.
* I do not lack 'willpower'
* I should stop beating myself up about getting fat
* The way I eat, when I eat and how much I eat, is learned behaviour.
* I CAN EAT WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT (Yes I am shouting.)
* Hearing and starting to grasp these things, at the age of 40, makes me cry.

Reduce my stress and I'll reduce my weight...

THANKS again to everyone who responded so fully, thoughtfully and sensitively to my post about "chaotic eaters."
I've been giving the reasons why I eat too much crap a lot of thought and have come to the earth shattering conclusion that in order to lose weight, first I need to lose some of the stress from my life.
But please, anyone, if you are labouring under the misapprehension that I am totally unhappy with my life, that I am a wailing mess thinking all that matters *is* my weight, please think again.
I know it's hardly the done thing, but I would like to point out that apart from my weight, I am very happy.
Sure, like everyone, I have had my 'down' moments - but am doing fine, thanks.
Nor do I allow my weight to hinder my confidence from day to day. It's not like I'm about to hit the local baths in a size 22 bikini or enter Page Three Idol (Oh my God, sorry if that's not a great mental image) but I can still do everything I need to - that's for me and those I love around me.
I suppose that's why heartless shit like this does make me cry a little, on the inside at least.

Jodie Prenger to win I'd Do Anything!

ACCORDING to Barbara Windsor, on Saturday's show, Nancy should be brash yet vulnerable, gutsy and loveable - and who else would an audience warm to than Jodie?
As I start my own "weight loss journey" (I would say pass the sick bag as this sounds a bit cheesy, but well that could be construed as a bit, erm sick on a blog that touches on an eating disorder) I don't admitting Jodie is an inspiration.

So there. A nation of fatties will vote for her and even if she comes second, she will get the provincial tour and then us fatties don't have to go so far to see here belt her heart out. Gawd bless her, etc.

(I don't like the Olivers though - I think they think they are auditioning for Little Lord Fauntleroy.)

I've been yelling at the telly again

IT never fails..."She never went away!" I shout.
What could it be that makes me raise my voice, me being such a peace loving soul?
Why, that bloody WeightWatchers* advert of course.
"The woman I married is back?" Well perhaps if you'd treated her better in the first place, she wouldn't have sought solace in the biscuit barrel.

* And yes it is now ten years since I lost four stone with WeightWatchers. It has all gone back on, plus another two for good measure.

Why 'chaotic' eaters struggle to maintain weight loss -and some top tips from a nutritionist

“I SHED six stone, just look at me now!” scream the headlines and we admire how a champion slimmer conquered a lifetime of overeating to reach their target weight.
But revisit even the most successful dieter’s story later and often some or all of the pounds have piled back on.
Once you have lost weight – whether it’s a little or a lot - it is all too easy to be lulled into a false sense of security. You may believe you can now eat what you want, when you want.
But you can’t. It’s not that easy.
Psychologist Dr Mike Green, from Aston University, says that changing your eating habits to allow for long-term weight loss means a “massive” shift in behaviour over a prolonged period of time.
He says that often people who have had a more ‘chaotic’ rather than ‘routine’ approach to eating can struggle to achieve or maintain weight loss.

Avoiding those 'what the hell?' moments when you're trying to lose weight

IT'S the moment every wannabe slimmer dreads – your mates are heading to the takeaway after a night on the town, or your colleagues are handing out the cakes for an office birthday.
What do you do? You don’t want to look like a killjoy but you don’t want to jeopardise your success so far either.
No matter how hard you try to inch towards your goal, there are always ‘danger zones’ to be navigated along the way.
Anyone can be tripped up or at least tempted. Help yourself by planning ahead to stay realistic, and choose wisely…or make your excuses and leave!
Tiredness, stress and children’s leftovers can also be weight loss campaign wreckers. That’s before you have a drink or two and the thought of a fat-drenched snack seems more appealing.
A little indulgence is fine, says nutritionist Lyndel Costain. But you should make sure these ‘danger zones’ don’t become the norm. Be realistic and kind to yourself.

Quick update - the blog is back!

NEXT week I have an appointment that I hope can realistically boost my efforts to lose weight and get healthy.
It hasn't been the best start as I missed an appointment with the nurse at my family doctor's surgery as I was too busy in my job at Mum's Taxi Services. Oh well.

I found some fantastic support online and have decided to restart this blog in a serious and frank effort to record my progress and thoughts along the way.

Oh **** I ate a doughnut. And a curry too.

ENOUGH said really.
Is now a good time to mention I'm thinking of making it a sponsored diet? Probably not, I'd hazard a guess.