Breaking the chain

Oh my God, I'm back in jeans

Picture by bluryee on Flickr.

THAT'S the good news. It has been 11 years in the making.

The bad news is I haven't been able to step on the scales in weeks as I have been beside myself with stress over various things - this yet again includes close family illness.

But I took a deep breath the day before yesterday and on I strode. I'd convinced myself I'd put on every last pound I'd lost.

So I was bloody well cock-a-hoop to find I hadn't. I don't want to say how much exactly I had put back on but let's just say a couple of weeks of healthy eating and even some exercise will soon put me straight.

I wouldn't shop for jeans in a million years. But a couple of weeks back I got a phone call out of the blue from an editor at a paper where I'd filed some copy about my "weight loss journey".

Forget blame and media bullying. Compassion and education are what's needed to help "Tellytubby" family

SOMETIMES when you watch the X Factor, you feel uncomfortable.

Not so uncomfortable you look away, mind - just broadly troubled that people who, as my mum would say, are not quite the full shilling, are openly mocked, laughed at even, by a pop princess and a multi-millionaire who made much of his cash off Robson and Jerome.

One such contestant, who nearly had me reaching for the off button was Emma Chawner, an overweight teenager in a hotch-potch of a bridesmaid's dress, whom Cowell decided 'sang like a baby.' Except George Dawes looks better.

Then in marched her family. Oh my God, they were as fat and feckless as she was. A nation watched open-mouthed as in they harrumphed, sticking up for their not so little girl and making twisted TV gold as they did so.

Childhood obesity: Too much too young?

THE UK is sitting on a childhood obesity time bomb.

Our youngsters are now heavier than they have ever been and are putting on weight at an earlier age – before they even start school.

Not only are our children more likely to die younger through conditions linked with obesity, they are also falling ill younger, with 1,400 children in the UK already known to have been diagnosed with lifestyle-related type two diabetes.

Overweight children are more likely to become overweight or obese adults and face increased risks of diabetes, cancer, heart disease and stroke. They’re also prone to developing psychological problems including depression and low self-esteem, and face bullying.

According to recent research from the Earlybird Diabetes Study published in the Pediatrics Journal, one in four children aged four to five in England is now overweight.

And the government has forecast that by 2050, 60% of men and 50% of women could be obese.

Fat is funny - and I like being funny...

BOY that guy has some guts.

I do too - I just don't put them on show. I turned into the 'fat woman' stereotype a long time ago - I can be loud, I can be funny and I can eat for England.

Now as the weight starts to come off, part of me wonders if I'll lose any of my personality. I hope the answer is 'yeah the miserable bit.'

Another new day, another new start. 'Me time' - What's that again?

OKAY, so November wasn't a cracker and nor were December or much of January so far. But I feel fine, still fatter than I'd like to be, but fine nevertheless.

I had a lovely day in a gym yesterday - all day. I had a back massage, facial, swim, a go in the steam room and sauna, you name it. I've never done anything like that in my life before - I would have felt far too guilty. I remember wanting to go swimming when my daughters were tiny and setting off to go and do it by myself having sorted out the childcare. Thing was, when I got there, the pool was closed. I burst out crying - so rare and so treasured was my 'me time.'

What do you think of the Change4Life advertising campaign?

I'VE been researching a piece on childhood obesity which is due out in Sweet magazine next month.

The video above fitted in very well with the feature as it reports on our so-called 'obesogenic' society - which basically means we don't have to work as much as earlier generations at the same time as high fat and high sugar food becoming more prevalent.

October update - "only" lost 2lbs this month but November will be a cracker!

IT has been a busy month for all sorts of reasons and I have had mixed success when it comes to eating healthily and exercising. There have been one or two episodes of bingeing, though not as bad as earlier slip-ups.

I have also had a couple of meals out as part of celebrations for my daughters' 10th birthday. For the first time in years I had a starter but I was very conscious of the choices I was making. I think I have been to the gym about seven times this month - am not entirely sure as have been running round, busy with work and things at home.

But I also went shopping for clothes for me for the first time in more than a year too. This, as ever, made me cry but this time it was "good" tears - I was so bowled over that I could fit into the dresses on display. I ended up buying two and hope to have them taken in as I continue to get smaller.

I wrote a piece about binge eating for a paper and had my photo taken surrounded by cake! Now I'm waiting for the piece to go in. Somehow I felt okay, as a very kind make-up lady helped put me at ease.

Oh and I had a few tests for (gulp) diabetes. They were inconclusive so I have to go back in a couple of weeks. I was a bit of a wreck about this but the nurse was very reassuring.

I'm not at all disappointed that I "only" lost 2lbs this month - two stone in the two months earlier were plenty I think so I have to be realistic. That said, I really want to do my best for the coming weeks, especially as I am going to be cutting down on sugar which I hope can help me 'ride out' the urge to binge, should it strike.

Chugging along nicely-ish. Should I ditch the slimming pills?

I BOUGHT some Adios tablets the other week. They have sat in my bag ever since, I'm a bit scared of them really.
And I'm embarrassed that I bought them in the first place. I left my handbag in someone's office last week and all I could think was bloody hell, it's got a packet of Adios in it.
The information on the packet says that the 'herbal supplement' helps to speed up your metabolism, which sounds quite tempting. But as I'm exercising anyway, I'm not sure that I need that.
Plus I'm just a bit worried that even considering taking such a supplement means I'm still screwed up when it comes to food, dieting, healthy eating - however you want to put it.

Six week progress report - 21lbs lighter

Despite beating myself up for bingeing last week, eating sausage rolls and drinking cider at a family party last week (hardly the crime of the century!) I nipped my misery guts attack in the bud and got back to the gym as well as thinking more about what I was eating.

I weighed myself yesterday and had lost another 3lbs - that's a stone and a half altogether. My BMI has gone down four points and I have very nearly lost 10 per cent of my body weight. Getting to that point is this week's target. I have also, judging by the clothes I have, as opposed for shopping for new ones, dropped a couple of dress sizes.

My coat is a size 22 and at the start of the summer holidays, I couldn't do it up across my chest. I don't think it is too much of an exaggeration to say it's hanging off me (oh okay, it could be) but I also have a jacket hanging in the wardrobe that had been worn once. It's an 18 and I have worn it twice over the last couple of weeks - it's quite fitted and each time I have worn it, people have commented at how nice I look.

To be honest with you, when someone says that, it makes me quite emotional. I have to think hard to remember the last time anyone told me something similar, unless it was my partner. He is complimenting me most days on how 'well' I look - saying that my complexion is great or something and a couple of mums have commented, with one saying I looked 'amazing' and the other saying I looked 'trimmer.'

So overall, I'm delighted. I think I am most pleased at the changes I have made and that they are becoming habit. I found last week, really really tough but got back into it, feeding my new found addiction for reduced calorie houmous and continuing to look to the future.

Back to binge eating and wondering why

THIS week,I've been back on the bingeing. Last night I must have consumed enough calories to nourish a family of four – including sugar-laden, fat-packed snacks. In between cooking my family’s very healthy tea and reading my daughters a bedtime story, I stood in my kitchen and ate four Kit Kats, three packets of crisps and other such crap until I could eat no more. Then I cried. Unlike someone with a different (and arguably more accepted) eating disorder, I didn’t then make myself sick. Instead, today here I am feeling like shit, still crying a little, and wondering how to ‘get back on track’.

Please don't feel too sorry for me. While the negative voice in my head says I should be beating myself up, the rest of me is screaming - 'don't do it' - just get a grip and carry on.