Breaking the silence

Sharing stories of appropriate sadness

A version of the following article appears in the current One in Four magazine in its Mythbusters series to show not all sadness is depression.

My husband is terminally ill. There, I said it. Aged just 43 and given three months to live, he has already defied the grimmest of predictions.

A wonderful doctor in charge of palliative care referred to “appropriate sadness” for us both.  

A family support counsellor tells me we are both still in shock and our daughters are struggling. She’s stating the obvious but she’s still a marvel. I feel calmer yet emotionally drained after I have spoken to her. I remain as positive as I can but I am desperately sad. What I’m not, unlike other times in my life, is depressed.

On a break

THANK you to everyone who has been so supportive of this blog.

Whether you have contributed, commented on or discussed our posts elsewhere, I'm very grateful to you for helping show me the strength of interest in mental health issues.

The commitment people have to speak up about their experiences, however painful, is admirable and sometimes challenging and conflicting views can come to the fore. I have learned a great deal through this blog, not least more about the day to day reality of living with a mental illness. Not everyone gets better, not everyone can speak up and not everyone is treated with dignity.

I'm someone who tries my hardest to try and understand each point of view, to respect others and to just want to be able to show that people are not alone and they needn't be afraid of admitting that they too have suffered.

I still strongly believe that if there was more discussion and lively debate among the wider public, about matters important to mental health patients, people I love dearly would not have suffered in silence, terrified and bewildered by what was happening to them.

I too would have found it easier and sought help sooner.

At the moment, I simply have too much paid work on to this blog justice. I have so many deadlines and need to make sure I meet them.

That doesn't mean I won't be back.

And if and when I am, I hope you may pop back and see who's contributing and what they have to say too.

Thanks again. Wishing you health and happiness, and if that seems too much to hope for at the moment, wishing you lots of courage and love. x

Are you scared of driving?

By Joanne Mallon

Panic attacks aren't fun at the best of times, but imagine how much worse it is to experience one when you're driving along the motorway.

Incidents like this were part of my driving phobia, which kept me off the roads for seven years.  I have written about how I overcame my fear of drivng on my blog, and now I've been commissioned to write a book about it.

 Since speaking out about it, I've had many many people contact me to say that they've experienced a fear of driving too. I think it's one of those fears that's more common than you might realise. But there's very little help or information out there for people like us.

Doctors should take more care in prescribing anti-depressants: Alison's story

Photo by Ice.bluess on Flickr

ALISON contacted me because she wanted to tell her story. She wanted to share her experience of stopping her medication and why. Here's she describes the two and a half years she was on anti-depressants and how they made her feel.

I WAS put onto medication for my depression about four months after my son was born.

The doctor’s view was unless I started taking something, I would have to go into hospital. I reluctantly started taking ADs and awaited my appointment for counselling.

Perceptions of mental illness have changed, haven't they?

YESTERDAY as we watched the Royal wedding, I said what a shame it was that Alexander McQueen wasn't around to see his inspiration brought to life by Kate Middleton's stunning wedding gown.

An elderly neighbour watching the historic event with me frowned.

My daughter asked: "Why isn't he there, Mum?"

And I told her he'd been very ill and that while he was ill, he had taken his own life. He'd lost his mum not long before.

"These creative types are highly strung," said our neighbour.

I winced.

"He was very ill and sadly couldn't see any other way out," I told my daughter.

Again, my neighbour was quick to interject.

"Suicide is so selfish," he said.

I said I didn't think it was selfish and we left it at that.

I know it was only a quick-fire exchange, over in an instant, but it did make me a little sad.

 

 

Catherine Zeta Jones on bipolar: "If I've helped one person, it'll be worth it"

MICHAEL Douglas has revealed that Catherine Zeta Jones felt forced into airing details of her treatment for Biplolar II disorder after she was outed by the National Enquirer.

And in an interview to be aired this evening in the US, he tells Oprah Winfrey that with his cancer, a legal action against the couple from his ex wife and his oldest son in jail, Catherine felt it was difficult to speak up.

News reports about the star's illness have also included a quote from her saying if her sharing these personal details help one person, then it will have been worth it.

Rather predictably when she made her illness public, people had the following to say:

• What has she got to be depressed about? She’s rich isn’t she?

Independent feature: Is depression actually good for you?

I RECENTLY blogged my reaction to this question after being asked for my view. I'm included in the resulting article published today in The Independent.

It's a well balanced and researched piece by my freelance colleague Rebecca Hardy, reporting on research that says depression can make your life better.

Well I may be a simplistic so and so but I can't envisage a similar piece about any form of cancer any time soon...what is it about mental illness that makes people think it's something that can just be shaken off so you can 'get on with life'?

I'm reported saying depression hasn't made my life better and expressing a view that such reports can add to a perception of suffering that is a million miles from reality.

Here's my previous piece and comments from more people who feel the research doesn't reflect their experience:

Does depression make your life better?

 

Exclusive Corrie prints to boost mental health drama project

TWENTY exclusive portraits by Coronation Street actor and artist Steve Huison are for sale to help boost funds for an innovative mental health project.

The artwork, which also includes written notes on the stars' insights into life and acting, is being sold in aid of the Shoestring Forum's Hospital to Home project, just outside Keighley in West Yorkshire.

Weatherfield favourites including William Roache, Julie Hesmondhalgh, Michael Le Vell, Bill Tarmey, Sue Nicholls, David Nielson and Steve himself, who recently filmed his last scenes as Gary Windass, are featured with breathtaking precision.

Does depression make your life better?

I WAS recently contacted by a fellow freelance journalist writing about depression for a newspaper. Her report is on whether depression can be seen as a "force for good."

I think it's wonderful that anyone emerging from a bout of depression feels stronger and more resilient as some recent research, the basis for the feature, suggests.*

Yet, and I'm by no means an expert,  it strikes me there's a potential danger in the way the findings of these sorts of studies can be portrayed simplistically.

That's as if the experience of the people who have drawn these conclusions goes across the board. Or people who get depressed somehow need to be more resilient, which plays into a stereotype that to suffer from depression you may be 'weak' in the first place.

Mental health and the internet, a report from The Mind Sanctuary

SINCE I started blogging about stuff to do with mental illness, the connection between the internet and our state of mind has remained of interest.

This is not least because on the one hand, the web can be a place to find understanding and support, while on the other a cloak of anonymity makes it easier to say hurtful things, which can cause a lot of emotional pain at a time when you are feeling low.

Sometimes the people behind those cruel words may be ill themselves.