Breaking the silence

Sharing stories of appropriate sadness

A version of the following article appears in the current One in Four magazine in its Mythbusters series to show not all sadness is depression.

My husband is terminally ill. There, I said it. Aged just 43 and given three months to live, he has already defied the grimmest of predictions.

A wonderful doctor in charge of palliative care referred to “appropriate sadness” for us both.  

A family support counsellor tells me we are both still in shock and our daughters are struggling. She’s stating the obvious but she’s still a marvel. I feel calmer yet emotionally drained after I have spoken to her. I remain as positive as I can but I am desperately sad. What I’m not, unlike other times in my life, is depressed.

Doctors should take more care in prescribing anti-depressants: Alison's story

Photo by Ice.bluess on Flickr

ALISON contacted me because she wanted to tell her story. She wanted to share her experience of stopping her medication and why. Here's she describes the two and a half years she was on anti-depressants and how they made her feel.

I WAS put onto medication for my depression about four months after my son was born.

The doctor’s view was unless I started taking something, I would have to go into hospital. I reluctantly started taking ADs and awaited my appointment for counselling.

Independent feature: Is depression actually good for you?

I RECENTLY blogged my reaction to this question after being asked for my view. I'm included in the resulting article published today in The Independent.

It's a well balanced and researched piece by my freelance colleague Rebecca Hardy, reporting on research that says depression can make your life better.

Well I may be a simplistic so and so but I can't envisage a similar piece about any form of cancer any time soon...what is it about mental illness that makes people think it's something that can just be shaken off so you can 'get on with life'?

I'm reported saying depression hasn't made my life better and expressing a view that such reports can add to a perception of suffering that is a million miles from reality.

Here's my previous piece and comments from more people who feel the research doesn't reflect their experience:

Does depression make your life better?

 

Mental health and the internet, a report from The Mind Sanctuary

SINCE I started blogging about stuff to do with mental illness, the connection between the internet and our state of mind has remained of interest.

This is not least because on the one hand, the web can be a place to find understanding and support, while on the other a cloak of anonymity makes it easier to say hurtful things, which can cause a lot of emotional pain at a time when you are feeling low.

Sometimes the people behind those cruel words may be ill themselves.

An insight into mental health provision, what resources would you add?

HAVE you read many accounts from people who have experienced mental health services first hand? I haven't.

My impressions of mental health provision were based for a long time almost entirely on ignorance.  As a fan of so many TV detectives I sometimes whimsically imagined that mental health treatment only happened at fresh-lawned stately homes with personal trainers jogging merrily about and affable academics and psychiatrists at every turn.

Then there's the other images of psychiatric hospitals portrayed so often in our media, from the desperation of olden days asylums on Who do you think you are? to the bullying oppression of Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

So never mind these oudated cliches, what of the reality?

The reality is this:

Mark talked about one man who had walked out of the ward at the end of his stay to nothing, with no contacts, not introductions.  He said he wasn’t surprised to hear how the man had got himself back by standing in the middle of the road, directing traffic.

Thank you, we won a Brilliance in Blogging award: 'Most Inspirational blog'

THANK you to everyone who voted for Speaking up, breaking the silence, in the Brilliance in Blogging awards.

This week there was a tweet-up to announce the winners and there we were. This post from the British Mummy Bloggers network listed all those who emerged victorious.

We shared top spot in the inspirational category with the wonderful Josie from Sleep is for the Weak and Maja from Pinchy Pants. Both of these bloggers write so beautifully and movingly so it was lovely to be in such auspicious company.

Where do you go for support? To friends or strangers?

HOW confident are you about speaking up about mental health?
 
Chances are you’re clued up about stigma-busting campaigns, where to find helpful resources and may encourage others to share their experiences.
 
But what about you?
 
If you’re anything like me, that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
 
Sometimes I find it easier to seek the kindness of strangers than address the difficulties I find myself in with those closest to me.

Like many other people, I turn to blogs, forums or online support groups.

Time to Change experiment tests mental health stigma

WOULD you date someone with a mental health problem or share a flat with them? This experiment from Time to Change shows us how most people would answer that question.

Breaking the silence carnival of blog posts about mental illness

WHY a carnival about mental health?

I feel very strongly about mental health issues. I have suffered from what everyone always just called "black moods" now and again all my adult life. I didn't know what this meant and would just go to bed to let these fleeting feelings pass. But you can't do that when you are a mum or well, busy at work can you?

And then I got worse. I contemplated throwing myself out of the window, of deliberately crashing my car, telling myself I wasn't worthy of my family's love and that they would be better off without me. I was terrified of how my children would be affected by my mental illness.

My upbringing was to ignore, shun, dismiss or ridicule people who are mentally ill. I was told by family, friends and the media through news reporting and entertainment that those who "succumbed" to a mental illness were either weak, dangerous or just a bit odd. These people either deserved our pity or we should be scared of them. They didn't amount to much and if they were people in positions of trust, authority or power, then well they couldn't have been very good in their job, if they ended up cracking up.

Sopranos actor stomps the stigma of mental illness

MY partner loved The Sopranos. I think I'd love it too but I've never got round to watching the set of DVDs. So forgive me, I wasn't all that familiar with actor, director and producer's Joe Pantoliano's work.

But like Glenn Close, 'Joey Pants' is a US actor using his celebrity to shine a light on mental illness.

His No kidding, Me Too! charity has gathered massive support in America, with the likes of Harrison Ford also speaking up and Robert Kennedy Jnr dubbing him a Martin Luther King of the movement.

I found this trio of videos interesting and inspirational so thought I'd include them here. Pantoliano is also the producer of Canvas, a film I'd love to see.